joy.

Today is the first day of fall. And it's a rare Saturday that didn't have us up & at 'em by 7am. Instead we ate french toast, drank coffee and lazily lounged. I spent some time cleaning the patio, fetching leaves from the pool {a futile task} and pulling weeds. I came in to find myself all alone. At home. Most moms will understand the rarity of this occasion. In the peace & quiet, I am reminded that I have decided upon a new motto for my life, to accompany the new season.

This is not a new motto necessarily, but a new way of thinking of what I want my life to look like. I'm not talking about an obnoxious, faux kind of happiness, although I am a fan of "fake it til you make it" when it's necessary {like during the last week of school before Christmas vacation}. And I am in contact mostly with children under the age of 12 and their parents, so sometimes my greetings are over the top. And maybe I have taken to calling the owner of each knee I bandage or recipient of each tardy slip I write out babesweetheartbuddyfriend, as is deemed appropriate. But still. I don't just want to be happy. I am longing for joy.

I am a happy person. I would hope that people who know me would share that opinion. I smile often and laugh loudly - often too loud in public for my preteen daughter. And when I cry, it's often tears of happiness. "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." Ahh, Truvy, you are truly insightful.

But joy. Joy can be experienced in pain, in heartbreak and in turmoil. You can be joyful, without feeling over-the-moon happiness. And that is how I want to be described. Joyful. Peaceful. Kind.

That can be hard to achieve when the word sarcastic is also often used to describe you. And the fact that I think I'm pretty darn funny also doesn't help. I'm not kidding myself here, I will never be considered the quiet, angelic creature that I once longed to be. I have embraced my loud, fast manner of speaking, my witty, intelligent sense of humor (I told you already, I think I'm really funny). But to have joy that is contagious... Does making fun of someone else count?

I'm working on it. I promise.